Alex

The dream.  Again.  Only one he ever had.  At least the only one he ever remembered. 

Alex was used to it.  He'd learned to recognize it, stop it.  Sometimes.  Wake up.  Eventually. 

Problem was, they didn't disappear right away.  Brain wiring still fucked. 

He lay still, eyes open but not yet seeing the real world, despite the light from the large window just beyond the foot of the bed. 

It was going to take a while. 

He could still see the cages in the other room.  The room he'd been in before they moved him.  The beds had had cages around them.  The patients tied to their beds.  The way he was tied.  Wire around wrists and ankles.  Unable to move any extremity more than a few inches.  He heard the screams from the other side of the wall. 

He lay still, waiting for the hallucination to fade, to let reality take over. 

At least it happened more quickly now, or at least it seemed to.  Usually. 

It seemed there was another bed beside his, but he knew there wasn't.  There had been a body in the bed.  But now it was empty. 

FUCK!

"You OK?"

Jessica. 

She hear me?

The soft voice, just above a whisper.  She always came in quietly, waited for him to wake before speaking.  Waited until she was sure he was at least mostly back in the real world. 

And until he could speak.  Sometimes he'd start to talk, try to.  Not making any sounds.  Wait a minute, try it again.  Motor functions still degraded.  Some days it seemed to be getting better, other days not so much.  Still kept his walker close, moving around was risky without something for support, furniture or walls close by.  Better than the wheelchair though.  Rather die than be stuck in that. 

Jessica had sensed it.  He didn't know if he'd have made it, if she hadn't been there, wanting it as much as he did.  More probably. 

Actually I do know.  I'd be dead. 

The sleeve of her silk robe brushed his forehead as she leaned over, placed a hand there. 

"No fever.  How do you feel?

Full vision now.  Almost anyway. 

How do I feel? Good question.  Let me finish waking up. 

Try to speak. 

OK, looks like it's going to work. 

"All right, I guess.  Dreams won't stop."

"They seem less frequent.  At least not every night like it was.  Let me get you some coffee."

"No.  I need to get up.  I'd spill it."

"OK, let me help you."

She moved the walker over beside the bed, stood on the other side holding it steady as he sat up, leaned over to hold on to it.  Got his legs under him.  Still shaky, especially early.  He pulled himself up, standing inside the frame. 

"Got it?"

"Yeah, I think so.  Let's see."

Jessica moved back slightly, let go. 

"Go ahead, I'll follow you."

He maneuvered the contraption to the door, out into the hall.  After the first few steps of the day he was usually all right, but he still felt weak.  Shaky.  Rubbery legs.  Had to get started working out.  Somehow. 

Work out? Who the fuck am I kidding?

Jessica pulled a chair back, held it steady as he sat down. 

She went over to a counter, poured a cup of coffee. 

"The usual?" she asked, setting the cup down. 

"Might as well."

Jessica unwrapped a package of frosted cherry Pop-Tarts and dropped them in the toaster.  Poured another cup of coffee and took it to the table, sat down across from him. 

"There are some fresh PJs in the dryer."

Pajamas were what he had been wearing most of the time since he got home from the hospital.  Lately he was getting dressed for outside and going out for a while, but most of the time he was in bed or in a chair.  It had rained yesterday, heavy rain all day.  Today looked better. 

Jessica got the pastries from the toaster and brought them over, then put in two more.  Alex sipped the coffee.  It was hot, black, and bitter.  Not much honesty in the world, but black coffee is honest.  Hot, bitter, wake you up.  Doesn't pretend to be anything else.  Unless you put stuff in it so it might as well not be coffee anymore. 

"I'm going to Jonesboro in a while, once you're all set.  Anything special you need?"

"Nothing I can... yeah, get me a pair of small of weights.  I've got to see if I can get some strength in my arms.  If my legs don't come back...."

"They will.  But you do need to start working on the parts you can.  The weather's getting better.  It'll be summer before you know it."